Just Remebered!

Kabhi kisiko Muqammal jahan nahi milta,
Kahin Jameen to kahin Aasmaa nahin milta.

Aisa nahi ke pyar ki kameen yeh tere jahan pe,
Jahan ummeed ho, bas wahan nahi milta.

:)
[Written by Ghalib, not me]
[For some lines written by me, search the older posts, you might find some]

Here I am!

Here I am - this is me
There's no where else on earth I'd rather be
Here I am - it's just me
And tonight I make my dreams come true

It's a new world - it's a new start
It's alive with the beating of a young heart
It's a new day - it's a new plan
I've been waiting for you
Here I am

My Mom got Devil's number...

Yeah, it happens like this; I use Reliance to call India and there I can store 10 numbers for easy dialing. The 10 digit numbers can be accessed by entering a 3 digit code. For remembering the codes, it was advised to give a code that you can associate with the person you are calling, for eg: Dad has 3(D)2(a)3(D), by the letters associated with the numbers, like wise Brother is 2(B)7(R)6(O).
And so it came to this that when I wanted to get a code for my mother, I ended up having MOM or 666 as the code.
And every time I dial the number I think I am calling the devil and may be I would end up in a different world as happened with Brandon in Bedazzled :)
Once a friend asked whom are you calling, and I said "The Devil". Amazingly he replied back..."Mom?"
Hmm, others are using reliance too....

05-June-2007
Finally I saw that RI Call allows 2 digit codes too, and hence I updated my Mom's code to 62..(Ma...). And I convinced myself that my Mom doesn't represent the devil. Just that I was a little dumb.

One of the everlasting debates!

Hmm its hard to get the topic from the title. No, its not the Egg first or the chicken debate. It's the arranged marriage vs. love marriage thing.
Quiet a lot has been heard by me, although I wanted to put my point(s) forward sometimes I never did, precisely because I was not sure. Its like asking you want to eat at home or wanna go out? Kinda depends on the situation ain't so?
Anyway, have heard a lot about the downsides of the arranged marriage, specifically from the Americans rather westerners. You know the same old stuff, "Yeww, you don't get to know the person beforehand whom you want to marry? And you mate on the first day you meet?" Kind of awkward ain't it? Because half of the westerners do so, you know have sex on the first date. Only they don't stay with each other afterwards. One point I would like to make clear here, in arranged marriage, you don't mate on the fist day, speaking about the tradition in my place. It takes a whole 4 days! and till that time the bride is accompanied by one of the family members, to see that she is comfortable at the new place anyway.
Well, the most common plus point of A.M. is that the L.M.s have a greater rate of fall outs than A.M.s. You would be annoyed that in Hindu culture there is no word meaning divorce or talaaq. The words used now are just formed to mean that. Simply because the concept didn't exist in that culture.
Okay, now after all the talking I want to explain this is a business terms, may be it would help the west side to apprehend. You know there is something called a brand value. Its like when you go to a Nike showroom, go through all the assortments and then choose which one you want, whether you want for jogging, basketball etc. You may not like all the textures, or styles but you know it gonna give you back what it worth. You make some adjustments for the style if needed as you go for the durability.
On the other hand, you may also see a very attractive, stylish shoe on a China market, you were it feel comfortable and buy it. Now, if you are lucky that might last as long as a Nike shoe, or it might give up in a week. But the moment you tried it at the store, you know you wanted that.
Hope you get the point, simply by putting up with someone for 1 year doesn't guarantee you know the person inside out, there would be other things that miss out. As far as I have seen people, that 1 or 2 year all those guys do is impress each other. The problem starts when they take those actions for granted.
Whereas in arranged marriage, you know its done, you have to put up with it. Well I agree its almost always the girl at the receiving end, we have to work on that. And believe me, with the kind of rituals we have in a Hindu tradition, you wont go for a second marriage. You know the marriage lasts for a fucking 10 days? And forget about the amount of money spent.
Having said all that, I would still like to go for a love marriage, if I find someone who can love me. But if not arranged marriage is not a curse, it's a blessing in disguise.

The midwest accent(?)

Well I am not giving a thorough analysis of the midwest accent here. But there is a particular "sound" that is made by these people here in states like Kansas, Missouri ( I even heard in Wisconsin) etc. This is used in place of "Pardon"(most polite) or even "Dint get ya"(less polite version) and it goes like "Haen" or "Hayn". I don't know might have to see a dictionary :)/
But anyway, it sounds kinda rusty and impolite.. If its back in India, I would say little Dehati. Which as a matter of fact may be true here, because as compared to the places in east coast or the west coast areas these places are "Dehati".

:: No offense meant.

Dowry!!

I wanted to write something, but don't what to write first, where to start. Some of my cousins got married and the news kinda triggered this whole thought process altogether. Well my first cousin got married to a lawyer. He demanded 1 lac Rs and a bike, which we have duly provided. The fact is that guy is theoretically less qualified than my sister. That is if you look at the qualifications list. Anyways my uncle didn't want her to get a good job and all those pathetic Indian tradition of being a male-oriented society, which I am too lazy to describe her.
The point what kind of looser takes money to get married? Fuck if he doesn't marry he would pay to get a maid and pay again for the other "thing". But as in India people think girls are burden to the family, even the girl thinks so; there is less chance that nobody will make money out of it. My problem is I would never be able to respect that guy, because I had to pay him to marry my cousin. That kind of makes me feel that I had bought him. Pardon me if I sound egoistic but that's it.
Now coming to another scenario, one of my other cousin (brother) got married to an IT officer's daughter. And apparently with the wealth her father has this guy got a flat, a car and 3 lacs in his bank account. So there is a rave about that in the close relations. That kind of diverted the minds of those who are looking for a bride for me. As I am fully dependent on an arranged marriage, I am totally scared of this advancement. Because, I fear they might search for the money and not a match. As per me, I can earn as much as I want, the only thing I couldn't find in my life so far is a suitable match :(
Okay, now coming to the last marriage(the list is actually in the reverse chronological order); my dearest cousin of the all, got married to her boy friend. In this case you might expect a clean marriage with no money exchange. But no, because of the stupid traditions I talked about earlier.
They had to show the fucking neighbors and the relatives that they got some value, so they had to buy stuff and send it to the groom's even though they don't need it. In any case, half the money was spent by my cousin herself as she self-reliable to the most extent. I could have told her, that the whole thing doesn't make a point. But anyways, as I have learned from my past experience, merely by saying is just that, saying. So I have now change the track and wait. For me to do something and then Say. Holds more ground than just saying.

A Confession

Time for a little confession. Off-late I have been sounding a little preachy. It has been for quite sometime now, as per my blogs it has been like this forever. Instead for describing my own feelings or the situations I have been dwelling into the human psychology more often. Writing in 3rd person tone accounts for the same. Not that I feel a lot of people out there read my "precious" blogs but I am too scared to let anyone know how insecure I am inside.
Its an attempt to fool myself and pretend that I am in control of my feelings, my life; which I am not. Not completely. I do things, by my choice. But the choices are sorted out by others.
Its like the Villains in Hindi movies asking "Tum main se koun pehle marna chahega". :)
Anyways, it was too hard to not sound preachy on this blog. Hope I succeeded.

I am afraid!

Well, almost every human on this planet is afraid of something or the other. Some are afraid of darkness, some are afraid of heights, some of ghosts, some of their parents, some are afraid of GOD and some are afraid of death. Yeah, I am afraid of death if no one else. I dont know why and how this creeped into my mind.... But once in a while there come a period when I cannot think of anything else. I couldnt bear the thought of loosing everything. The fear of loosing the sense of being is unsettling. I try and I try hard but cannot get my head out of it.
I couldnt sleep, something/someone wakes me up. And being a person with less friends, I dont find anything else to divert my mind on to.
I was very young when I accidentally realized how it would be when you die. It's like you are there and then you loose everything, you cannot see, cannot hear, cannot feel and worst of all you cannot think. How is it? Like when you sleep only that you wont wake up again. Its a scary thought if you think about it now. But at that moment of truth it wont be anything.
I dont want to think about it, but it comes to my mind every now and then. A slight problem in health for instance. And I keep thinking of bad and worse things to happen. It goes away after some days, depends on how easily I get involved in other things. But its never easy.
I dont know if there are others who suffer like me, what do they do about it. But would really like to know, not how they feel but how do they cope with it. I dont want to think about death, because of all I do I can never avoid it forever.
[For instance, while writing this; I kept thinking people who are going to die, generally make statements about death. Which are found after they die. I am crap. Somebody help me please :( ]

Irony of WMDs

Should only nuclear weapons be regarded as WMDs, what about the pistols, guns, which normal people carry. They are also capable of mass killings; massacre. Well its about the Virginia Tech killings that happened yesterday. And I was horrified to know that any citizen in USA can have a gun for self.
That just makes every single person vulnerable to attack. I slight depression or a small fight can do it all. And that just explains the shoot-outs that has happened in schools. And just anybody can be put to do that, given the fact depression is a widely spread symptom and people in US catch it very easily.
Irony is a nation which believes that other nations should not hold weapons for defense purposes and carries on pre-emptive wars where they only doubt of WMDs presence, allows each citizen to carry weapon for there own safety.
What kind of logic is that? And let me be a little sarcastic and ask, docent the government have faith in its PDs for the safety of the citizens?

Well politics and logic are different breeds altogether.

Reason for working late!

Well we all do that, especially the bachelors in software industry. Its not that we do a full time work staying late; we just dont know what to or where to go sometimes.
I remember one instance in Infy, I was in the office at around 11:30 PM. I had just finished my work for the day and was surfing for something and my manager came in.
He called me from behind and said, " There is a place called home, Soumya." I wondered whether he was being sarcastic or being considerate. Nevertheless I replied, "Well, I call it a room. And it doesn't sound as appealing as a home(smile)."

I think we both understood. I hoped he could give me a transfer to my home town.